How Much Is Your Relationship Influenced by What You See Online?
How many of us are aware of the extent to which we’re influenced by what we see online, how much it informs our choices, opinions and outlook on life?
News, fashion, music, politics, current affairs are constantly being updated on social media and other online forums and we’re regularly deluged with the viewpoints of influencers and hundreds of contributors whose abiding goal is to attract and retain our attention.
But how often are those viewpoints unbiased? They’re there to provide specific opinions, aiming to gain traction, feed their audience, keep their followers happy, provoke discussion and maybe even generate a little controversy! However, the more popular influencers are often sponsored to enthuse about a particular product, business or viewpoint, so they frequently have a ‘mission’. Yet, many people are persuaded by what they see on their screens and believe it to be the truth, because it’s there in front of their eyes.
Online tips for successful relationships are of interest to many of us, finding out how our relationships ‘should’ be, how the perfect partner behaves, how we should be treated, what is acceptable or not. And yet two people can have very different views, wants and needs as to what constitutes a good relationship.
One person may want to be looked after, have everything done for them, whilst the other may find such behaviour excessive and controlling. One may want an open relationship whilst the other prefers a one-to-one arrangement. How ‘real’ will our relationships be if we allow ourselves to be unduly influenced by what we see, read or follow on social media or by how other people think we ought to run our lives.
Trying to adhere to someone else’s vision of the perfect relationship can cause disappointment in our relationships and result in confusion, in us being unsure about how we feel, not knowing what we should say, do, think or want. Do we really want to act like a zombie ‘Stepford wife’, following a guidebook of rules for the ideal relationship? Rather than absorb someone else’s agenda it’s surely more beneficial to become clearer about our own likes and dislikes, about what we want from a partner. Remember, a relationship should add value to our life, not define it!
There are videos online that present certain behaviour in a negative light. If our partner takes their phone into the bathroom, cancels a date, doesn’t immediately return our texts it may be determined that our relationship is failing, but we need to view our situation in its entirety. What does your gut tell you? We know our partner better than any influencer. It’s better to stay calm and not be too quick to judge or follow a blanket check list.
So what if our partner doesn’t buy us flowers and do all the things we’ve witnessed in magazines or online. Are we missing out? Does the overt attention that comes from gifts and compliments inform the quality of our relationship? If these aren’t forthcoming should we hold out for something better? Sure, it’s important to remember that we’re entitled to be treated with kindness, honesty, loyalty, compassion and share quality time. Isn’t that enough?
We may sometimes yearn for gifts and overt demonstrations of caring. But remember that many online videos are promoting particular products, events and venues. They’re made to be visually engaging and impactful. Not everyone we date will want or be able to afford such lavish gestures. But, sometimes watching them can colour our feelings of entitlement to an unrealistic level, even turning us into someone who values things based on their financial merit and is in danger of becoming a person we may not like.
But, a loving, caring relationship is about more than elaborate gifts. Would you prefer an expensive bottle of perfume quickly purchased as someone passes through a store, or a carefully collated scrapbook or collage of photos, concert tickets and mementoes that mean something to you both? Both may have their place, but gestures and actions, like picking you up after work, checking in after you’ve had a job interview, bringing you an advert for an event that’s of interest to you are all thoughtful gestures made by someone who pays attention and who genuinely cares about you.
A good relationship comes when we feel listened to, have someone who’s supportive of us, who makes us feel good about ourselves, who makes us laugh. These things are far more meaningful than a collection of expensive tokens and compliments.
Learning to communicate well is the key to a healthy, long-term relationship, one that will stand the test of time and is equipped to survive job changes, family struggles, health issues and money worries. Good communications mean both being able to speak up with confidence and say if more quality time together is wanted, to share thoughts and insights into how each are feeling, what they want, as well as be open and honest about their hopes and dreams. When a couple care and are in tune with each other that’s the most attractive and intimate gift of all.
Article By Susan Leigh, Counsellor and Hypnotherapist
Visit: www.lifestyletherapy.net
