Article by By Susan Leigh – http://www.lifestyletherapy.net

When we’re unexpectedly left alone, either through death or divorce it can be a long, painful process of healing and recovery. One person cannot fully appreciate what another is going through, no matter how understanding they may try to be. Time and reconciliation are the two keys to survival and moving on. Sometimes though significant dates and anniversaries can continue to remind us of what we have lost, of what we are missing in our lives. 

There are particular times in the year when being alone is especially hard. Christmas, bank holidays, long weekends, Valentine’s Day as well as more personal anniversaries can be poignant times which serve to underline our newly single status. Family and friends may be supportive, but cannot fully appreciate the mixed emotions experienced at these times. 

Here are some thoughts to help with being newly single at significant times of the year: 

• Certain times of the year can be especially difficult for a single person. At these times the whole world seems to be in love, involved in happy relationships, spending quality time together. Grieving for what you no longer have in your life is important. And it can take time to heal and become strong enough to be able to look back and smile at the happy memories, the fun times you shared together.
  
• Decide to treat yourself gently and pamper yourself at these times. Buy your favourite food, organise lovely things for yourself, arrange indulgent treatments, a book you’ve always wanted to read, a favourite film. Turn time that could be painful, lonely or negative into a pleasant, gentle occasion. Then settle down and enjoy some quality ‘me’ time. Being kind to yourself is important.
  
• Allow other people to help. Friends and family may be able to offer important support at difficult times of the year. Let them know if you’re feeling especially vulnerable and allow them to help. If they invite you to join them, be appreciative and allow them to include you in their plans. Sometimes invitations can lead to an interesting new direction or opportunities to form new friendships.
  
• Identify groups that interest you and join them. Not everyone is in or indeed wants to be in a relationship. Many groups have activities that are scheduled for Bank Holidays and Valentines Day. By joining an interesting group you meet like-minded people, potential new friends and maybe a new partner eventually, whilst keeping busy doing things that appeal to you.
  
• Work on improving your personal confidence levels. Maybe undertake counselling or hypnotherapy to support your healing, deal with the emotions and enable you to become stronger and more positive as a result. This commitment to therapy can help you learn from your experience, reconcile what you have been through and emerge as a stronger more rounded person.
• Some people find it beneficial to have a special memorial, especially at significant times of the year, like birthdays, anniversaries and Christmas. Valentines Day can also be a poignant time, particularly if a soul mate has left your life. Holding a service or ritual can provide comfort and can sometimes be more effective if it’s done in private. It can be a personal way to remember the other person and acknowledge the important role they had in your life. 

Finding a loving relationship, a soul mate brings colour and joy into our lives. Sharing our time, life, hopes and dreams with a special someone, only to then lose that person can require a long period of healing and readjustment. Over time let’s aim to become stronger and able to start living again, a little older, wiser and more experienced than before. 

Susan Leigh, Counsellor and Hypnotherapist, works with lonely or stressed individuals to promote confidence, self belief and help them improve their perspective on life. 

Further help, advice and articles on this and other related subjects are available. For more information see http://www.lifestyletherapy.net