It was so much easier to dote on your little prince when he was actually little, wasn’t it?

Particularly when it came to birthdays. You always knew where to get the hottest new toy and, if you didn’t, he was more than happy to provide some not-so-subtle hints.

Now he’s all grown up – or thinks he is – it’s more about organising a night out with the boys or having a romantic meal with his other half. There’s no time for cake, candles, and carefully-annotated gift lists.

So, how do you still make a fuss on your beloved son’s birthday when he thinks he’s too old for the doting mother routine?

The Pam with the plan

If you’re looking for a parenting guru to help you answer this question, you could do a lot worse than everyone’s favourite sitcom mum – Pam from Gavin and Stacey.

Pam (eventually) learnt to love and respect the young man her son became, while also knowing that deep down he’d always be her “little prince”. Whether it was welcoming his girlfriend into her home, cooking a second dinner for his best mate, or cracking open a bottle of bubbly to celebrate his coming home, Pam shows it’s possible to be both devoted mother as well as life and soul of the party.

There’s no better opportunity to prove the same to your own son than on his birthday. But in order to succeed, you’ll need to get two crucial elements right: the present and the party.

Choosing the gift

If your little prince is really just an overgrown kid, picking a birthday gift could be the easy part. After all, boys will always love their toys. And it’ll reap you dividends if you remember that a cool gadget is always more preferable than a practical present – even if you’ve noticed he could really do with some new socks. Birthdays are the one time when it’s completely OK to indulge his inner child, so if he’s a Star Wars fanatic, build him a homemade speeder bike! Failing that, ask his mates for ideas. 

Throwing the party

Once you’ve settled on a gift, you next need to tackle the tricky problem of his hectic social life. What if you want to spend time with him on his birthday but he has other plans?

Sometimes, keeping your special little prince happy means keeping his courtiers happy too. If he’s lucky enough to have his very own Smithy, there are many occasions when you won’t be able to compete. His best friend may come across as a loveable and unintentionally witty goon but, you’ve got to admit, this court jester definitely knows how to have fun.

If your son is torn between spending his birthday with his beloved mother or with his beloved boys, why make him choose? Instead, take a leaf out of Pam’s book and aim to make them part of the family. If they’re anything like your son, there’s a good chance you’ll find something to love about them too.

Be the hero-mum, not the gooseberry

As much as you might want to “hang out” with your rapidly maturing boy, you’re going to have to accept that, at some point, he might not want you to hang out with him. Ouch! It hurts, but that’s part of the joy of having kids. They grow up; they leave. But that doesn’t mean you have to be left out. It means you have to find yourself another role to play in his life.

So, when your gorgeous boy’s 18th rolls around, why not invite his entourage over for a slap-up meal before ushering them out the door for their big night on the town? But don’t leave it there. Make sure they know there’s going to be a fry-up on the table in the morning. In other words, fuss over them, take care of them, indulge them – but not quite as much as your little prince!

Be warned though, you might want to make sure you’ve got a big enough frying pan. Like Pam, you could easily end up with more than one little prince round the table. Letting them off the washing up might earn you a few extra brownie points too! 

Flying the nest and new nestlings

There comes a time when even the most doting of mothers has to accept that their little prince will want to make a home of their own. This may come when he meets his own prince or princess. It may come when he moves halfway across the country for a new job, or when he has children of his own. If you’re like Pam, it could even be a combination of all three.

This can lead to a period of adjustment, as traditional family occasions – such as birthdays and Christmases – are shared with in-laws, or visits home are cut short by the demands of work, his partner or his children.

Fear not. He may become the CEO or a stay at home dad, but your little prince is still in there somewhere. Rest assured, he’ll always relish a little bit of spoiling on his birthday. He may tell you he doesn’t need anything. He may not even know that he wants anything. But a carefully and thoughtfully chosen gift will serve as a reminder of all the fun and laughter you’ve shared over the years.

And remember, as with turning 18, the moment he has children is an opportunity for you to reinvent yourself: not as the interfering mother-in-law, but the supportive and doting grandmother! There’s always a silver lining if you look for it.

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