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Iceni Magazine | December 2, 2021

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BDSM for Beginners

BDSM for Beginners

Has a kinky novel or sexy film has piqued your interest in the world of BDSM, and you’re feeling ready to take the next step?

If your answer to that question is yes, be sure to continue reading for our guide to BDSM for beginners.

What is BDSM?

BDSM is a term used to describe sexual activity which falls into the following categories: bondage and discipline; domination and submission; and sadism and masochism.

Top Tips

First of all, you must enter the BDSM world with an open mind. Doing so does not mean there is no way back at all, despite what some believe. Here are a few tips to help you have a successful start to your BDSM journey.

Personal Safety

Ensuring that your sexual activities are always consensual is essential. There may be moments when you feel uncomfortable with something, so speak to your partner and develop a safe word that you both know. Use this when you wish for the activity to stop or to take a step back before trying again. For some, they use a traffic light system whereby the word ‘red’ indicates that the activity must cease immediately, ‘amber’ or ‘orange’ means to slow down, and ‘green’ means that everything is ok. Having something like this in place will make it much easier for everyone involved to be safer. You should also discuss in advance what contraception you will be using. While the pill or a coil may stop an unwanted pregnancy, the risk of transmitting an STI remains.

Discuss Openly

Prior to engaging in BDSM activities, discuss with your sexual partner what your fantasies are and how you’d like to indulge in them, and vice versa. If you are unable to engage in honest conversation about your deepest, darkest desires, perhaps you aren’t mature enough to embark upon this journey. Perhaps you hope to take on the role of the femdom, the one who leads the activities; be sure to communicate this with your partner, being certain that they are comfortable being the submissive one.

Accessories

Since the release of the Fifty Shades of Grey books and films, the sale of BDSM sex toys has increased significantly. However, the BDSM scene has been around for much longer. Try starting with something fairly light, such as the sub wearing a mask, being blindfolded or handcuffed. Don’t be tempted to rush things or use both simultaneously until you are really ready. The main thing is that you enjoy yourselves. Next, you may want to try to take things to the next level with some bondage, like rope bondage. If the thought of inflicting pleasure through pain floats your boat, a whip might be a logical step to take.

Partners

For those not in a relationship, you may wish to find someone to have fun with, no strings attached, or try out your newfound desires with likeminded individuals. Whatever your situation, with the pandemic ongoing at the moment, it is unsafe to meet up with anyone. However, that does not mean you have to resist having fun. Femdom dating might have to wait, but you can still chat and exchange flirtations and fantasies with others.


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